"The Awakening"
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
And you stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Attitudes to Other People
Relations with other people can be either very satisfying or very stressful and unpleasant. While a certain amount of this comes down to their personalities, your attitude has a surprisingly large effect on the way that other people respond to you.
It is important when you are trying to improve the quality of relationships that you understand the difference between managing them and exploiting them. When you manage a relationship you are improving it for mutual advantage. When you exploit a relationship you are improving your results at the expense of the other person. If you exploit other people, then you will probably get a reputation for this and suffer in the medium and long term. It will also cultivate an unnecessarily cynical attitude to other people.
The following are important factors in forming harmonious relationships with other people:
Take a positive approach:People enjoy working with and relating to happy, optimistic people. When things are getting difficult, a smile or positive approach to a problem can make the difference between success and failure of a project.
Project a positive image: Take care over personal grooming. Wear good quality, well cared for clothes that project a suitable image. Learn about body language, and learn how to adopt a good, open posture.
Be assertive: When you deal with other people, you should confidently project your right to have your views taken into consideration. This does not mean aggressively insisting on getting your own way, which irritates other people and tramples on their rights. If you are not assertive then you will probably not be noticed, your triumphs will not be given their due weight and your needs will not be given proper attention.
Pay compliments where they are due: If you notice something good about someone, or they have done something well, compliment them. This costs you nothing, and helps to build their confidence. It is obviously important to be sincere - no-one likes an obvious flatterer.
Try to leave people pleased to have spoken to you: This can be an extremely useful maxim, providing that you do not allow other people to exploit you as a result. When you are dealing with well-adjusted human-beings, the more you give, the more you get.
An extremely powerful technique when dealing with other people is to try to understand the way they think. Try to think yourself inside their mind. See life through their eyes, feel what they feel, and understand their background, influences and motivations.
Sometimes things can go wrong. Some people are not intelligent in the way they conduct relationships. Where you face relationship problems, your attitude will often determine the amount of stress you experience:
If someone is sarcastic and rude to you: remember that this is probably caused by a fault in their character. They are probably irritating and offending many other people as well. Examine any comment rationally: if it is unfair, then reject it. If rude comments are fair, then learn from them. Do remember, though that one person's vice may be another person's virtue: what seems stubborn to one person may seem firm-minded to another.
If someone hurts you: do not bear grudges. If you do, you will tend to churn them over in your mind. This will damage your vital positive attitude to life, may cause stress and may interfere with the quality of your sleep. Forgiveness is important in maintaining relationships that are important, providing that the forgiveness is genuine. You may decide, however, not to forget the fact of the hurt - it makes sense to confront, avoid or circumvent people who are unnecessarily hurtful.
If you are facing a frustrating situation: where unnecessary obstacles are put in your way, or people you are dealing with are being indecisive or unhelpful, then using relaxation techniques can be useful. This helps you to remain calm with people. If someone is annoying you: it is almost always best to remain calm and neutral, if only because you will be able to think and react more clearly and effectively.
Relations with other people can be either very satisfying or very stressful and unpleasant. While a certain amount of this comes down to their personalities, your attitude has a surprisingly large effect on the way that other people respond to you.
It is important when you are trying to improve the quality of relationships that you understand the difference between managing them and exploiting them. When you manage a relationship you are improving it for mutual advantage. When you exploit a relationship you are improving your results at the expense of the other person. If you exploit other people, then you will probably get a reputation for this and suffer in the medium and long term. It will also cultivate an unnecessarily cynical attitude to other people.
The following are important factors in forming harmonious relationships with other people:
Take a positive approach:People enjoy working with and relating to happy, optimistic people. When things are getting difficult, a smile or positive approach to a problem can make the difference between success and failure of a project.
Project a positive image: Take care over personal grooming. Wear good quality, well cared for clothes that project a suitable image. Learn about body language, and learn how to adopt a good, open posture.
Be assertive: When you deal with other people, you should confidently project your right to have your views taken into consideration. This does not mean aggressively insisting on getting your own way, which irritates other people and tramples on their rights. If you are not assertive then you will probably not be noticed, your triumphs will not be given their due weight and your needs will not be given proper attention.
Pay compliments where they are due: If you notice something good about someone, or they have done something well, compliment them. This costs you nothing, and helps to build their confidence. It is obviously important to be sincere - no-one likes an obvious flatterer.
Try to leave people pleased to have spoken to you: This can be an extremely useful maxim, providing that you do not allow other people to exploit you as a result. When you are dealing with well-adjusted human-beings, the more you give, the more you get.
An extremely powerful technique when dealing with other people is to try to understand the way they think. Try to think yourself inside their mind. See life through their eyes, feel what they feel, and understand their background, influences and motivations.
Sometimes things can go wrong. Some people are not intelligent in the way they conduct relationships. Where you face relationship problems, your attitude will often determine the amount of stress you experience:
If someone is sarcastic and rude to you: remember that this is probably caused by a fault in their character. They are probably irritating and offending many other people as well. Examine any comment rationally: if it is unfair, then reject it. If rude comments are fair, then learn from them. Do remember, though that one person's vice may be another person's virtue: what seems stubborn to one person may seem firm-minded to another.
If someone hurts you: do not bear grudges. If you do, you will tend to churn them over in your mind. This will damage your vital positive attitude to life, may cause stress and may interfere with the quality of your sleep. Forgiveness is important in maintaining relationships that are important, providing that the forgiveness is genuine. You may decide, however, not to forget the fact of the hurt - it makes sense to confront, avoid or circumvent people who are unnecessarily hurtful.
If you are facing a frustrating situation: where unnecessary obstacles are put in your way, or people you are dealing with are being indecisive or unhelpful, then using relaxation techniques can be useful. This helps you to remain calm with people. If someone is annoying you: it is almost always best to remain calm and neutral, if only because you will be able to think and react more clearly and effectively.
10 Secrets to Fulfilling Relationships
1. The first secret? the power of THOUGHT.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.
2. The second secret? the power of GIVING.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
3. The third secret? the power of RESPECT.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"
4. The fourth secret? the power of FRIENDSHIP.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
5. The fifth secret? the power of LETTING GO.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."
6. The sixth secret? the power of COMMUNICATION.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic
words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone.
Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them! If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and ...why are you waiting?
7. The seventh secret? the power of COMMITMENT.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
8. The eighth secret? the power of PASSION.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
9. The ninth secret? the power of TOUCH.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
10. The tenth secret? the power of TRUST.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.
1. The first secret? the power of THOUGHT.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.
2. The second secret? the power of GIVING.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
3. The third secret? the power of RESPECT.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"
4. The fourth secret? the power of FRIENDSHIP.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
5. The fifth secret? the power of LETTING GO.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."
6. The sixth secret? the power of COMMUNICATION.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic
words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone.
Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them! If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and ...why are you waiting?
7. The seventh secret? the power of COMMITMENT.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
8. The eighth secret? the power of PASSION.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
9. The ninth secret? the power of TOUCH.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
10. The tenth secret? the power of TRUST.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.
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